So, last week I drove all the way to the gym just to take a nap on the couch and shower without my children around me.
It may have taken me a week to justify my actions but that's okay. I now feel no shame and quite honestly, have figured that I burned at least 100 calories herding the kids to the gym, perhaps even 60 calories alone just getting Gabriel to actually stop moving and put his shoes on. So there. Go me.
Small victories, people. Small victories and very big naps.
You see, in case we hadn't mentioned this to one another on the ole' bloggity blog... naps are a pretty big deal for this Mom. As a diagnosed insomniac working on-again/off-again night shifts in a pediatric emergency department, sleep is beyond a luxury--- it is eeked into wherever I can get it, no matter how little the amount of sleep I can muster. I seize it with the fervor of a starving vagrant. Man, that's pretty sad. Balancing the role of Mom to the professional self you treasure as well is tough--- but well worth the effort. Some important parts of living were trumped this year for my-tank-is-almost-empty-critical levels of sleep. Some days, it is balanced so much better and yet others... well, let's not focus on those days, mkay.
I am telling you this, because finally after what feels like so very long...I am on the brink of change! After today, we are officially back in the world of regular staffing for our little ole' ED crew. Which means, better scheduling, better life work balance, better blogging... you get it. Better.
More days of this....
And less days of this...
Today was no exception.
I didn't cry. Well, okay... I did tear up when I picked them up because in that moment, as they rushed up all toothy, four-eyed grinning into the arms of Lucy and me, I saw just how big they are and felt even more how much I had missed them today.
Happy reminders for my heart that weren't lost in a desperate search for slumber. Even sleepy, there's been a lot of those moments recently and my heart is so grateful for each and every one of them.
It's good to be back.