For the first time in your forever, I look at your precious self as you walk by me... unnoticing...thank goodness unnoticing... because I gaze a bit longer than you would ever knowingly allow and I don't feel sorry for a single minute. My Mama heart just soaks it in. It takes my breath away in the most unexpected of instances and I can barely recognize through these bleary eyes the beautiful, young lady in front of me. How are you this old? For all those longest of days in the beginning and now it is like the years pass by in a whisper of a thought. I want to just slow, slow, slow that roll. I'll try to be better at keeping up.
My, you are so very ten already. You have been for quite awhile. Funny how for the youngest of your grade level, you sync right along with those buddies and don't even miss a beat. I expect that you will do that for always. Makes me giggle at the wide-eyed former version of myself worrying that her teensy, curly girly of a kindergartner would struggle to keep up. Ha. Silly me to underestimate you.
This is such a season of transition for us. One of many I am sure. We are living somewhere in the realm of Mama knows nothing and I can't tell you enough. That budding independence, lofty sense of self and unique sense of fashion sure keeps me on my toes. At the beginning of this year, I purchased you a bunch of Justice outfits that seemed "totally you" to uncover that while they might be... they weren't yours to choose and that made all the difference. Rookie mistake. My goodness how we bickered about clothes. But you know what? I finally got it. I woke up that morning and gave in to the ridiculous everyday mismatched wind shorts and weirdy tees and for the smile that spread across your face, I would do it again in an instance. I'm learning too.
This year brought you group sleepovers, soccer, breast buds, beanie boos, deodorant, blackheads, crushes, Draco Malfoy, song writing, body talks, staying home alone for bursts of time, walking home from school, solo neighborhood bike rides with buddies, your own spotify account and a WHOLE bunch of Youtube videos.
You'll be here one day. I'll laugh with you about how silly it is to feel like you can't keep up and look back at all your wonky fashion crazes. I'll remind you to look for the in-between moments. The deeper conversations. The fun of shared interests like baking and writing and rabbits. The problem solving situations that can't be fixed by Mom. I'll remind you to have patience when it feels like you can't even muster it and when all else fails to just watch your child walk by unnoticing. Look for the beautiful light of their growth...because, sister... that light pouring out of you is perhaps the most beautiful bit of good I have ever seen. And it's all you.
Love to your whole two hands of life. Here's to enjoying you.
*Turn up the music*