Sunday, August 14, 2016

A decade as Mom.

Miss Molly,

For the first time in your forever, I look at your precious self as you walk by me... unnoticing...thank goodness unnoticing... because I gaze a bit longer than you would ever knowingly allow and I don't feel sorry for a single minute. My Mama heart just soaks it in. It takes my breath away in the most unexpected of instances and I can barely recognize through these bleary eyes the beautiful, young lady in front of me. How are you this old? For all those longest of days in the beginning and now it is like the years pass by in a whisper of a thought. I want to just slow, slow, slow that roll. I'll try to be better at keeping up. 

My, you are so very ten already. You have been for quite awhile. Funny how for the youngest of your grade level, you sync right along with those buddies and don't even miss a beat. I expect that you will do that for always. Makes me giggle at the wide-eyed former version of myself worrying that her teensy, curly girly of a kindergartner would struggle to keep up. Ha. Silly me to underestimate you. 

This is such a season of transition for us. One of many I am sure. We are living somewhere in the realm of Mama knows nothing and I can't tell you enough. That budding independence, lofty sense of self and unique sense of fashion sure keeps me on my toes. At the beginning of this year, I purchased you a bunch of Justice outfits that seemed "totally you" to uncover that while they might be... they weren't yours to choose and that made all the difference. Rookie mistake. My goodness how we bickered about clothes. But you know what? I finally got it. I woke up that morning and gave in to the ridiculous everyday mismatched wind shorts and weirdy tees and for the smile that spread across your face, I would do it again in an instance. I'm learning too. 

This year brought you group sleepovers, soccer, breast buds, beanie boos, deodorant, blackheads, crushes, Draco Malfoy, song writing, body talks, staying home alone for bursts of time, walking home from school, solo neighborhood bike rides with buddies, your own spotify account and a WHOLE bunch of Youtube videos. 

You'll be here one day. I'll laugh with you about how silly it is to feel like you can't keep up and look back at all your wonky fashion crazes. I'll remind you to look for the in-between moments. The deeper conversations. The fun of shared interests like baking and writing and rabbits. The problem solving situations that can't be fixed by Mom. I'll remind you to have patience when it feels like you can't even muster it and when all else fails to just watch your child walk by unnoticing. Look for the beautiful light of their growth...because, sister... that light pouring out of you is perhaps the most beautiful bit of good I have ever seen. And it's all you.

Rock it. 

Love to your whole two hands of life. Here's to enjoying you.

*Turn up the music*

Molly's 10 from Julie May on Vimeo.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Our Second Time Birthday Babe.

Sweet Nanners.

I don't quite know how long I am going to be able to get away with calling you my baby but if I have it my way, it will definitely be nothing short of forever. Oh, sweet girl. If only I had known all along it was your beautiful and bright face I would be meeting one day, I would have whispered to my former,anxious self to just take a breath and be'd be here soon. You see, my heart beats in balance with you around.

You, lovely lady, are my gifted, extra burst of sunshine. How very fitting that you walk this world with the most golden of hair. Kid, you are nothing short of magical. 

I have never felt as very loved as I do when I am in your presence. While I know that we, too, will face some growing pains one day--more than any other child-- you have marked me as your person. Chasing those silly siblings and exploring the world, you absolutely never lose the awareness of where I am. Before bed every night, after books and songs (you prefer to hum), you always look up, take you hands under my chin and just study my face as if to hold it in memory until morning. Sometimes... after the longest of days... it takes my breath away.

You stop and just soak in a lovely moment. It is all I need and yet, in the hustle of the day I forget. My tiniest teacher. How grateful I am for the gift of you. 

Unsure of Mickey Mouse and yet you can pick Harry Potter out of a line up. You prefer Meghan Trainor to lullabies and will do just about anything for a chance to play Barbies with your big sisters. How very fourth child of you! I thought I would feel guilty that our life is so very centered on the hustle and bustle of your siblings' activities but truth be told... you absolutely love it. All those other tiny mighties we live with? They completely can't imagine a world without you in it, either. At the most random moments, I witness them holding you, reading to you, splurting out over dinner that they "are so glad you were born." All of our cups runneth over, babe. All because there's an Annie in our lives.

This year: you learned how to walk, run, jump and CLIMB. Swimming, dogs and cheese are among your favorites. You are dying to wear panties but nowhere near ready to say goodbye to your "yaya." You go in to "gremlin mode" every single day around 430pm and there is no amount of destruction too vast for Gremlin Annie. You keep us on our toes for sure. I am so excited for all the newness of year two. What an adventure, little love. How I can't wait to share it with you! 

Tomorrow we will wake up, and have our cinnamon-sugar birthday donuts and toast the greatness of your special day. Even though all days feel pretty dang special with you around.

Goodness, I love you so. 

Happiest of birthdays, Annabel Jane.

***Turn up volume for sweet tunes***

Annie's 2nd Birthday! from Julie May on Vimeo.