Friday, May 15, 2015

Our 10 years.

There is something so very magical to wake up, look at this person next to you--- who very likely, knowing the person, in minutes will wake up insanely grumpy, completely blind and with crazy dry mouth from a night full of open mouth snoring--- and already feel the laughter in your heart in anticipation of it all.

Not all days are like that. Some years... they were even fleeting. I am humbled by the fact that the week of our 10 year anniversary I slept in our guest room because I was too frustrated...too tired... too lots of things to want to work it out before bed. A gentle reality check for my heart. Marriage takes such effort... something that the younger version of my married self would be told and not understand yet.

The fact that even in the louder, sleepier, busier times of our lives, that cranky bear of a man, with his wild bed head and silly side eye loves me the most of everyone... even when it doesn't always show on the outside. Given the chance on even our worst of days, I would go and choose him all over again every single time.

So I got to think that's something good.

18 years ago, my heart felt something that would take my head years to understand. Some days, I still don't know that I fully do understand. For all my freakish control-seeking ways, it is all those moments of unknowing and surprise that come to mean the most in my heart. I find it so beautiful that what I thought I needed then, is absolutely no reflection of what I can't live without now. It would seem we traded sleep for adventure. Thank goodness.

These ten years of marriage... always learning, growing, adding people to our space and crazily all the new somehow manages to melt together to where it feels like there is nowhere else it could have ever been before. Just here in this space.


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