The Great Catch Up.

...

It has been quite season of living. Three months seems like such a small amount of time and yet, look at these fresh faces...

Almost halfway through with 2nd grade, 4th grade and Lucy's last year of preschool. Annie couldn't even walk in this picture and now we can barely keep up with her. Incredible, really.

So. The UPDATE. (and Annie's 15-month post)

The Hubster.

Turns out if you give Kelly about 12 hours and Game of Thrones on audio book , then he can change a crazy-challenging alternator on the van. Who knew, right? Above picture was about 3 hours in. There is no after photo. I went to bed with the one request to please shower before getting anywhere close to our bed. My incredible partner in crime. He works so very hard to provide for our family each and every day. I sure do love him so. This past month we had our dateaversary (which is pretty much what you celebrate only when you started dating someone in high school). 18 years of loving this man. It would seem that our relationship is now old enough to vote. Thank goodness we both liked each other for more than half the years. Relationships are hard work. Who knew?

Me.

Well. It would seem that antidepressants are wonderful. Probably should have explored that as an option years ago. Sorry, family. I started taking Cymbalta a couple months ago for Fibromyalgia and talk about a game changer. Side effects were an initial big kick in the butt but for the decreased joint pain and the ability to not feel like I have an 100 lb weight of anxiety on my chest... I'll take the side effects. I've cut back to PRN at the hospital as an attempt to better balance my work/home life... and really as a way to try and find some time to sleep. Still a work in progress. But I feel happy and loved. That sure feels pretty wonderful.

Molly. 

 My oldest baby is anything but a baby these days. This girl has grown the most incredible, witty sense of humor. Her stories are captivating. Additionally, it would seem she is a black belt in side eye. For such a tiny person, she sure can throw some serious shade. Molly is a bit all over the map... or as my pediatrician described it "a preview to the hormones of puberty." Can I tell you how swell it is that I have three daughters? When not anxious (something she is working on), Molly floats between utter disgust for her family ...

and the most beautiful whimsy. 

 We see you in the horizon middle school... don't think we won't be ready.

Gabe.

When I wake up for the day I never know which Gabe is going to greet me at breakfast. This kid can whip together a mean alter-ego. It is pretty much my favorite.

Second grade started a little rough with missing his best buddy that moved away. I have never been more thankful for our school and their incredible care and communication with the entire family unit. He has come so very far in such a short time. Gabriel started karate this year and he loves it. He is in the practice of the Korean Martial Art, Tang Soo Do. With the focus as a defensive martial art and awareness of your body, it is the perfect study for him.

Lucy.

This kid, guys. I don't even know where to begin with her. I watch Lucy from a distance and stand in awe of the fact that my body was able to grow such a fierce spirit. I love every ounce of her boundless joy but at the same time feel completely terrified what the teenage version of this child will become.

Our resident comedy genius...

working so hard to learn how much is too much. 

She's getting there. The giggles we stifle in the process of her self regulation she will never come to know. Four-years-old is my favorite age.

Annie.

This is our 15-months of sunshine, right here. 

15-month-stats

height: 27.75 inches (>1%)

weight: 18 lb (6th%)

head: 44.8 cm (26th%) 

Her laughter, crazy blonde hair, twinkly eyes... to say we are all smitten is just about the biggest understatement. Our Annie-girl. How lucky are we to have her in our life? 

It is so funny to see her personality growing. She has developed the most intense love of Mommy, dogs, balls and ice cream.

Oh, ice cream. The struggle is real.

This month, Annie was completely discharged from therapy as she is now a full time walker. We are so thankful for Ms. Kara and all the care she had for our little lady,

Additionally, at her last ortho-appointment, Annie's doctor discharged her from wearing her brace 12 hours a day. What an unexpected answer to prayers. We might have celebrated with some fancy hats.

You see. Annie is all things fancy hats these days. 

Don't let that cuteness fool you. You can't take your eyes off her for a second. 

  

Annie, at 15-months-old, has 12-15 words, loves to point, laugh and bark. She is completely convinced that the globe that sits in the front room is a ball that needs to be thrown. Recently, she discovered her reflection and she couldn't stop kissing the window.

We sure are thankful she's ours. 

A very still love.

Sometimes, it would seem, my very best version of loving myself means finding my own little space to be still. Sounds like such a lovely and simplistic concept, really. Do not be fooled...stillness take some very hard work.

Now. I need us to take a minute for a little reality check.

My version of "still" pretty much just resonates as less time screen time and larger doses of time in the sun. The noise level pretty much remains consistent in my version of "still" because hello, a million people live in my house. The waiting, needing, company in the bathroom type of noise... you bet... it sticks around. It is good to have those constants in your life right??

***Dear God, I am really not asking. I can't allow myself to think there is the possibility that others have that much less noise in their lives. Jade is not my color.***

Can you believe all that long ago quiet and calm of my inner most voice met me in the chaos?

What I had kept so shuttered for all that time, burst the softest light through my upstairs window one Tuesday afternoon...

 through all my windows it would seem...

the boundless possibilities overflowed in drifting currents...

masked in the gentlest of company...

and wrapped me up in the safest comforts of home.

Sometimes, your heart just craves connection...

 a chance to truly feel seen...

and loved for the beautiful person within that you used to know...

 Like a warm, gentle breeze...

"Still" renews.

It would seem I am back. With a clearer mind and a peaceful heart.

Cheers to that, friends.

The great catch up to come.

Molly's Nine

Molly,

A friend told me earlier this year that nine-years-old marks the halfway point to your time living in our home as a child. After my heart started beating again, I immediately told her to never mention that to me again if she wished to remain friends. Ha.

I think that as my oldest, I will always worry the most about you. Was I too young, or poor, or selfish when this perfect, tinier version of you was placed in our loving care? There are so many ways that you have grown me in to a mother and unfortunately, some of them were not always through my proudest of motherly attributes. We've weathered some storms, Miss Mouse. This year was not always the tender, gentler, moments of the past. Lots of new arrived by ways of hormones, drama, lip-gloss and Taylor Swift. For the first time, some challenges of childhood couldn't be fixed with a princess band-aid or a silly face to make you laugh. Still my little girl but this year somehow wiser, wittier, more aware. For the first time, my role as Mom was to take the backseat as a supporter, while you tackled a challenge head-on or sought to resolve some sort of change.

You are growing in to this beautiful little woman with a heart for conviction and a fierce love of family. Every single day, I see little glimpses of the older versions of yourself and my heart beats faster. This is my time. My time to pour my love in to you, help you to see that beauty comes in adversity, that having a voice can be your most powerful asset and that you are so beautifully and wonderfully made. So even if you have arrived at our "half-way mark" (for whatever that me means), I am all to aware of the joy to come in the back half. Honestly, I can't wait for it all.

You are mine to love for always. How did I get so very lucky?

Here's to a day celebrating the bright, loving, funny birthday babe you are.

Love you so,
Mom



Molly's NINE from Julie May on Vimeo.

Birthday Facts

 Birthday Stats

Height- 26.5 inches (less than 1%)

Weight- 15.5 lbs (2nd%)

Head- 44 cm (25th%)

The big birthday has now come and gone! Couldn't let the calendar year subside though without a final look at this action packed month!

Annie this month...

 you celebrated a national holiday with family, your first fireworks and ate some CORN.

A couple weeks later we were back in town for a day to celebrate your awesome, older cousin, Claire's, first birthday...

This was a great opportunity to practice cake. 

That very night we headed east to vacation for a week in Florida! Kid, you were made for beach living... just like your Mama.

Despite loads of sunscreen, hats, rashguards and abundant time under the umbrella, you still managed to get crazy tan.

and blonde!!! What a beach babe. That naked swimsuit is just about the cutest little thing on your tiny hiney.

Back in Austin, we were reunited with friends that have become our family!

Which was perfect timing to celebrate our ONE YEAR OLD!

For our party-non-party... we sure had some delicious cupcakes!!

WHICH YOU LOVED.

Annie's BIRTHDAY facts

Sleep patterns: You now sleep all night from 8p-8:30a in your bed, on your tummy always, in your Lorenz brace.

Drinking: We are just in the process of weaning and now you will take a cup all by yourself, all day.

Eating: Your favorite foods are spaghetti, bananas, watermelon and ICE CREAM.

Mood: You are the happiest, smiley, kid we know. Seriously. With that said... if some touches your ice cream, you can throw some serious shade... and later lose it if they keep said ice cream.

I heart ice cream cones.

Don't even think about taking it or I'll cut you.

Specials: Annie still loves to sleep with her beloved blankets gifted by Aunt Lauren Wallace. She also loves her baby doll: "Baby Stella" and will now crawl around chanting "baby" "stella" until she finds it.

Tricks: Claps, blows kisses, waves, says "mama", "Dada", "baby", "Ball", "bye bye", "hi", "momo" (Molly), "bro bro" (Gabe) and "lala" (Lucy). She can crawl, pull to a stand and is just starting to cruise a little on furniture.

Uniquely you: Annie is a frequent bathtub pooer. Hopefully this is short-lived.

What a year, Annie May! We sure do love you!

A littlest first birthday

Sweet Annabel,

I rocked you in my arms tonight in the quiet, stillness of your precious room. As I sat there in that moment that has become so much a part of our bedtime routine, I felt you gently reach back to the nape of my neck, feather my baby hairs and deep sigh one last, little "mama" before drifting off to sleep. Instantly, my eyes were welled to the brim with tears and I, too, found myself in a deep sigh. One year, sweet girl. We did it.

There are a lot of people that clutch dearly to the notion that right when life gives you a perceived version of lemons, you best start making some "lemonade" out of it all. All that active encouragement is truly directed with such incredible love. But sometimes, that space to initially process doesn't start with gentle acceptance. Sometimes, it even starts with something so very far from delicious and joyful lemonade. And you know what... that's okay. We all get there in our own time and way. You were the gift that my heart never even realized it couldn't live without. For a lifetime to come of unexpected surprises, I know with all certainty at the end of this journey, you will by far have been my greatest one.

I should have of known that my greatest teacher to ever touch my heart would come in the form of a spritely baby with banana-crusted, blonde hair and twinkly eyes. You, Annabel Jane, are the most beautiful balance of resiliency and joy. All that strength...it grew me. Being the Mom you needed meant I had to allow myself to be vulnerable. I shed this disillusioned belief that I could handle it all on my own. You took a weary, frustrated, fearful version of myself and helped me lean in to the supportive love of a community. The support and grace given to our family this year through meals, prayers, baby supplies, phone calls, love visits have been beyond beautiful. All this love poured in to our hearts... all because there was a you in our lives. Thank goodness.

I can't even begin to imagine what the years to come will look like with you as the youngest. I imagine there will be days that you feel overlooked or even dragged around. I don't even want to count the number of naps you took in the car this year while we were running siblings around. We'll just call it a lot. I'm sure our home will be noisy and messy and even teetering on the edge of insanity at times. Who knows, really. And yet... it is YOU that gifts Molly a chance to pretend she's a mother, YOU who brings out the gentlest versions of Gabe and YOU who somehow manages to even calm a Lucy (and honestly, I didn't even know that was possible). You can take 9 weeks in Pavlik, three visits to the operating room, 16 weeks in a body cast, 12 hours a day in a Lorenz brace and still look the world with brightest smile and the most playful of spirits. EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. So whatever the years will bring as the youngest, I know with full confidence, you'll handle it just fine.

You, my Nanners, are incredible. The light we never knew we needed and until we couldn't live without it.

Happy first birthday, little love.
Mommy


Birthday video... Turn up your speakers, it's a good one. 




Annie's First Birthday from Julie May on Vimeo.

Engagement Pictures

My youngest brother is getting married in April 2016. Weddings are so very wonderful and one that gifts you another sister is extra magical.

My brother called a couple months ago and asked if I would take their engagement pictures for them. After repeating a couple times "remember I'm not a professional photographer", I bit the bullet and agreed to do them.

I immediately texted my guru, photog friend, Katie... promptly stole her lens and had an afternoon of intense practice in manual mode with one of my favorite subjects.

Unedited and still beautiful. Eased my nervous heart.

While they are still far from professional... these two beauties' love did all the work for me. Such an honor to bear witness to a sweet moment in their day.

Here's a glimpse...

Some people get to have this be their JOBS. Lucky.

COME ON APRIL!