Spring.

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Winter settled in our home this past month, fierce and ugly. Packed with germs, no person was spared. Even our gato fabuloso was puking, granted less due to illness and more in part to his foolish love affair with monkey grass. For everyone else though, the germs were legit.

I am now on a first name basis with our local pharmacist, have visited far too many doctors ending in an ologist to count and can effortlessly map the fastest route to the pedi-office based on the hour of day. 

But now? 

With whispered hesitation, I finally feel ready to deem us completely out of the woods. Hear that stuffy-nosed, puny, pukey germs of this world? Mays have closed up shop, stepped up the immunity and are claiming spring.

We even planted flowers. We're that committed.

We're all about the hygiene and hand-washing over here. All those open windows sure have felt nice.

It's not without battle scars though that we welcome the gentle warming of a spring sunshine.

Especially for this one.

It turns out, that throwing up at school in front of your entire first grade class mixed with 8 weeks of belly pain just might have tilted the scale for Molly's love of school all the way down to the place where words like hate and loathing live.

She cried every day at school for about 4 straight weeks, visited the school nurse daily and had a couple chats with the school counselor. And while, I didn't mind all that extra missing mommy love, her complete distaste for school was heartbreaking.

So we stepped back and grew it small.

Less focus on blogging and more on added special together time



Amped up our humor at home


and infused our downtime with sunshine.


She had all the words... so we let her tell us about them.

For all her tiny traits... her thoughts on this world are not. This kid has so much to say.



Not going to lie, the tear-stained journal entries gently tucked under our pillow nightly for parental reading pleasure were really sad. For what felt like a really long time.

And then one day... there were little changes. She was no longer afraid of the cafeteria, came home from school and told us she was ready to buy lunch again. Sunday afternoons became less infused with anxiety and were gradually replaced with relaxation.

Tonight, right before I left for work I rounded the corner and was handed the ole' familiar hello kitty journal. Her nightly special way of telling us she needs to talk. But this time? She didn't write about hating school or feeling sad or missing mommy. She wrote about class valentines. And half birthdays. And school feeling *pretty much* better. There were smiley faces and hearts on the border of the page. I'm not kidding when I say I could hear Abba playing in my head. I looked across the room to Kelly and I swear he did a little twirl in his head---maybe even a jump split.

It was sunshine. Gentle and warming.

Sure felt like spring to me.

Eviction Day

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So, this morning abundantly solidified the fact that I am not a morning person. As if I had any reason to believe I was one... um, hello. I work the night shift.

 But, Gabriel?

That guy can rock the mornings like it's nobody's business. It could be a superpower that us villainous night owls would loathe. At least he makes it look cute.

Gabriel and Little Bear showed up for surgery at 6am sharp today ready to party. He was all high comedy and winning smiles. No versed, completely independent, laughed his way to sleep... if I could have half this kid's personality... oh, the possibilities.

Sad thing about surgery though is that it never really feels like a party in the end. For our sweet Gabriel, it was no exception.

He woke up sad and loud. He would whine...cry...fall asleep mid sentence for a few minutes and then pick right back up where he was mid whine. It went a little something like this for a good 15 minute stint: "I miss my home sooooooo much.... I never ever ever *doze off for a few minutes* EVER want to come back here."

 




 

But then Daddy arrived. And so did the popsicles. If life is gonna knock you down a few rungs, then you most definitely want a daddy nearby and a popsicle in hand as you rally.

We made it home and the boys snuggled in, while I went to snag Lucy from a Tinkerbell dance party with her bestie. Madam bossypants likes to play! (Thanks Liliana and Bella for having her over!)















So, we made it through today and are now moving towards healing. I think we might be in for a bumpy couple days still but all in the right direction. We really felt the love today and couldn't be more thankful for it. I feel ready for tomorrow...(even though today alone feels like it could have been an entire week long.)

 More updates to come.

Thanks again for all the calls, texts and positive energy for our little man!

Soggy Day for Surgery

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Austin has now enjoyed two much needed, glorious days of rain. Last night, was the slow trickle rain--- the perfect kid of rain for sleeping. However, with surgery day upon us, I was wide awake.

 It's a tiny bit comical to have anxiety about his surgery as it really is a very basic surgery (tonsillectomy/adenoidectomy), at the place I work and am familiar with, by the medical team I specifically researched and chose. And yet, all night I was up watching the clock.


 Because while I know that he is my big brave almost 5-yr-old...

In my heart, I still look at him and see this...

I doubt that will ever change and you know, I'm really okay with it. So if you have a lull in your day today, perhaps you could send some good love in the direction of Gabriel and Little bear. They have a surgery adventure this morning and their Mom is feeling a little nervous.

 Updates to come!

2012

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There have been times in the past few days that I have really tried so hard to sum up 2012. Quite frankly, I just can't. It was a year of so much transition, heightened anxiety paired with some of the most magical memories all squished into 12 teensy months. You had a little bit of it all, 2012. While at times bipolar, you were much happier than 2011 and for that... I am grateful and very excited to see what's ahead in this sparkly new year.

 This year, began with the charge of shifting tides...

January

And when Kelly’s marketing job ended abruptly the following month, it may have taken some superhero strength… but we rallied as a family.

February

It turns out when you step away from a negative situation, the light really can flood in. 2012, thank you for reminding us.

March

Sometimes you just need to trust where you are. After all, a lot of incredible change can happen in just one year. We celebrated that.

April

Turns out celebrating often leads to newfound friendships.

May

Let's be honest. Is there anything more magical than friendship?

June

2012, you took us to new places…even if it was just a couple of streets away, it felt different… and at times scary.

July

So we threw one great party, and made it feel like home again.

August

And then it got busy. Joyfully busy. 2 very special weddings, the start of preschool and birthday week. We squished it all in.

September

2012, you had a lot to say about things…there were limits, visual reminders and loads of scotch tape. We had a good little giggle.

October


For all the heartache of the beginning, the knowledge at ending sure carried a punch of pizzaz...

November

For even on our darkest days and bleakest moments, it seems that the biggest blessings of the year---were with right with us all along.

December

Forget fireworks. They are the best light I needed to start my 2013. Happy New Year.

Community

*Post written on Christmas Eve

It is hard to believe that Christmas is here. I feel as though I closed my eyes at Halloween and have reopened them only moments later to Christmas. This complete lost time is most definitely reflected in the absence of posts. And yet, here I am…just a mere day before Christmas. Fidgety, I awoke to the present in a panic, sorting through photos to make sure that we did in fact live all the Christmasy goodness I so look forward to. And you know what? We did. Our children had a fabulous holiday season. From caroling, tree farms, visiting family to late fesitval nights and even a great twirl under the Zilker tree. We really did it all.

And yet… throughout it all, this season just hasn’t felt as alive with the holiday spirit as those of the past.

While hesitant to openly discuss in a social media forum, I think I’m ready to now. The shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary last week grabbed a raw place in my heart and settled in with marked and aching sadness. So much so, that in every free thinking moment, my mind would wander to that sad, dark place and I’d find myself reaching for tissues and stifling my tears. Perhaps it was the fact, that I too, am a parent of a 1st grader. Picturing my oldest having to process even a fraction of that terror not only scared the pants off me but left me googling the safest places in the world to live and various homeschooling options. It could be that my reaction is related to the fact that my professional work is in trauma. Maybe I took all my squished down feelings associated with previous traumas and smoorgasborded it all into this one isolated event of sadness. Or perhaps it is just because I am a human grieving one of the most inhumane moments in history. Who knows. But for whatever the reason, this Lockean, was no longer thinking that the world was inherently good… and that felt sad. and scary. and not very Christmasy at all.

So when our on-call physician informed me on Friday, that I needed to take Molly in to Dell ER for a rule-out appy, my heart sank.  Looking back now I can stop and see the bigger picture, at the time my inner Grinch was quite revved up and not loving life. I still had Christmas shopping to do. Hospitals are just so expensive. I felt like I had just left work and already was headed back in. I didn’t want something else to bring me down. Best case scenario, we would be walking out that evening with one lovely emergency room bill and the other scenarios pushed us closer to the hospital for Christmas. It all felt crunchy.

Funny how, often times in my prickliest moment, I am awakened to some balancing slant on living—the secret truths that make all the crunchy moments worth it. Sitting in that emergency room, amongst the machines, medicine and germs, all I could feel surrounding me was love. Overflowing, abundantly available, gallons of love. The people who support me professionally were now loving me personally…and my little. Grandparents were calling from Dallas for updates and friends were on-call for last-minute sibling support. This moment was one of the stark fears I had carried for these past few years of living in Austin. What if something happens here and we don’t have family around to support us? It’s silly now to even think that family is limited to just one space. Surrounding my room, were the other Moms and Dads, Grandmas and Grandpas all worrying about their specials and working to quiet the underbelly concerns related to finances, holiday hospitalization and the likes. I felt it everywhere… we had community. We did end up getting admitted for IV antibiotics overnight for random pneumonia and later discharged for Christmas Eve. Molly walked away from it all, “sad to leave such a great vacation.” My silly girl.

She must have felt all that love too.

That moment of light was just the Christmas warmth I was needing. There are so many good people of this world too. It seems in times of sadness, it is difficult to see those standing there beside you. Family is not limited to just one space or a specific group of people. It’s YOUR community and it is everywhere. In hospitals, in schools, even in Connecticut. It finds you in the dark and slowly lets in light… even if takes a while to feel it. I sure hope all those families in Newtown can feel it too.

So while a bit late and quite out of context…

I wish you warmth, light and abundant community. May your days truly be merry and bright in the year to come.

NOT GONE LONG!

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It's been long. WAY too long. Man, have we had a bunch of living going on! Unfortunately, a broken computer has kept all that fun sharing at bay! Stinkpot.

No worries... I'll have some fun posts flying at you this weekend! Stay tuned!