Wednesday, October 22, 2014


The beauty of face space and social media in general is that you are the one in control of the glimpses of your life that people can see. While in so many ways... THANK GOD (um, hello temper tantrums and laundry piles)... and yet... in other crucial moments, I feel that we lose out on the rawness of life that might in many ways be the most beautiful thing about your existence.

Case in point.

My children are just such lights in this world for me. Those cheeks... the curly hair and wild personalities. Melts my heart. I have a job --I LOVE--where I get to work with pediatric hospitalized children and their families and married a man I have been continuously dating since I was barely sixteen years old.

Blessed, lucky, fortunate... all words I hear so very often from so many... and you know what? They are all so very right.

Yet. Here I am. What you don't see across your feed... ankle deep in laundry, about 40 lbs overweight, three days shy of a shower with feuding children as the background noise to the delicious non-organic meal from a box that I am hastily preparing for my family somewhere squished between boy scouts and dance class. That rawness. Man, is it so ever there.

That realness? Well, it finds you. Creeps right on in the moments off social media and meets you in your loneliest, sleep deprived moments of your day whispering doubt into an unsettled mind. It's loud. Chaotic. Overwhelming. Blessed. Fortunate... and yet lumping it all in... leaves you unbalanced and asking if this is the life you "Wantid"?

If you could do it all over again... knowing what you know... is this the life you would choose? I think about this. 

99% of the time, most definitely. Let's be honest... 92% of the time. Heck... even though it is only 8% of doubt in there, I can't tell you the amount of guilt I place on my Mama heart for it. Annnnd every time post baby... even with some fantastic meds on board... that 8% and I just meet in maternity leave and hash it all out. 

And here's my secret. I allow it to be there. I don't discredit it and at the same time don't welcome it in. My time is too precious for that. So instead... I place an intentional focus on the 92%. 

It's there... all that magic and goodness... mine for the taking.

even when I'm not looking for it... it finds me.

and suddenly the world is as it should be.

At least for a beautiful 92% of my time.

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