How to eat a cupcake...

...
by Gabriel Joseph May:

The one thing that I have learned in my time here is that eating a cupcake is some serious business. Very serious. There is a specific procedure one must follow in order to obtain complete cupcake satisfaction.

First, one must verify that the said object is in fact a cupcake. My mommy is notorious for sneaking veggies into things... does she not know that I will eat almost anything in my path? I can't figure out why she doubts me. Oh wait, maybe it is because of that other one.



After you have confirmed that the item is in fact a confectionery delight then the real process begins. You must first set up your barriers. You never know who might be trying to take your delicious treat. One can never be too careful. This is also a great way to threaten the cupcake--- show it that you are the boss and that you mean to eat it.


After you have secured your safety and dominance over the sugary goodness...CRAM IT IN. I mean it- as much as you can in your mouth and try not to leave a SINGLE morsel behind. After you have finished, it is IMPERATIVE that you turn to your sister and try to steal her cupcake... as she has failed to learn the importance of cupcake barriers.


Her loss....

your gain.